† Well its not the way i wanted but its wat she wanted †

I've been staying up holding all the hurts that she've created..
FInally it burst like a balloon...

I am too tired... lack of rest... sommore work load tons of it...
I wana die...
some times i do hope that god will just take me away just like that...
Rather then putting me here.. loving a person who wont appreciate...
Caring her with all the extraordinary mind of her working...
i dont know weather caring for her is the right thing to do anymore...

I am tired...
Tired of my life...
Tired of me...
Tired of me for being so stupid to make the wrong move...
Tired of falling in love with a person who will never appreciate what love is...
Tired...

I still want to work out a finance for my family and my loved ones...
Still although all of this accured i still love her..
Dumb aint i?
fine watever the feeling of my heart shouting and my mind is telling...
I dont want to think anymore..
Since she dont want it...
I'd told her b4 i will never force the 1 that i love..
She don wan i'll just take away until she wants it then only see..
See how it goes in the future....

I'm tired of love...
Although love to me is something very important in my life..
Its one of my motive that makes me move further...

Its also an ingredient of hurt...
Being tired all truely...even if she dislikes me...
I just hope that she'll pick up her phone... sms me 1 word...
The word that will motivate me.. but seems like
She'll just ignore me for the rest of my life..

Somehow i'm glad that did happen u see?
Well once she'd let go of me... she'll be free...
Free from her so called burden(which is only the burden she created for herself)
Totally able to focus on what she "wanted consciously" and discarding all those "unconscious wants"

Although in the end... still i will be the 1 who will suffer the pain...
She also will but maybe lesser than what i am facing now...
Or maybe she dint suffer at all just got mad of what i've told her..

Time flies... i've only slept 3 hours in 48 hour time basis..
Going to collapse soon..

For now the 1st day i wanted to be alone...
But luckly still my K bro's and K sis's all still support me... not only them...
All my friends are still there for me...

Dint know why until now i still LOVE her...
Diao diok liao la...
nvm nvm just let it be...
Like she'd always mumble time heals...
In fact"Time let us to addapt to what we are facing"
i'll get use to it soon...
Soon enough...
Eventhough if i am waiting her...
Eventhough if i love her and wanted to wait her...
Do i really worth to let her torture?
or in anotherway to say...
Why did she torture someone she once cared the most?(for atleast afew weeks)
hmmm girls... i do understand them now...
I understand them because they will never being able to choose to listen either to their heart or to their mind...

Fine... EMO-ing person is like that 1...
I wont go and bother anymore(i hope i say here i really can make it) coz
All the time even when i said i wont care...
I still am worried about her....

Is this love?
not a question to be answered anymore i guess...
Lets get some rest tomorrow is another HUGE event day...
PS: Jes arh i'll be as busy as u are...so atleast i wont keep on making u "sneeze"(thinking of you)
And i remember my class is as such (SUNDAY 1st Nov) 12pm to 2.30pm BM i must do homework which now i have no time to do...
I will find maybe friday to finish it up or saturday night....
Last but most least... I miss you .....
Stupid eyes just stop shedding those tears... I've gotten use to all this pain aint i?


† Man Zai †