† How i hope you were there †

2 days already i'm in this pain and agony...
The problems and issues due to my failure of judging one person had caused me..
How i hope that you are right behind me holding me tight and say...
"Everything will be fine, I'll be right here supporting you"
"Must jia you owh...hehe" add on with a smile...

My brain nearly cracked due to the thinking of how to solve all this problem that i am facing.
Then unconsciously I've come through this which i should have not...
=.= why did i press it when my curiosity made me to...
Its the same thing she replied to me before...
Now it seems like she's already fallen for another guy? or its just an advise from her??

I just all of the sudden i felt... I've lost her...
But some times she makes me feel that i am still in her (Choice) list...
I wanted to be her one and only name on her (Choice) list....
but...
I dont know...

1st time ever when I'm not with her i got this uncertain feeling...
But still the box i kept inside my heart the love keeps spreading out from the box..
and slowly it had already filling up my empty heart again..

I wanted to cry...i wanted to lie down with someone,
All i wanted is someplace that i can feel it is home..
It is also a feeling that I've gain when I'm with her...
and only her can give me that feeling...
Just that i cant create more pressure for her.. so better keep this down and low..
I wont voice up...
My poker face is still on when its needed so no worries..

Seems like she's facing her own growing stage from teen to adult...
I face it b4 so all i can say is i know its hard but go for it and you'll make it ya?
Support will always be given... and thanks for replying my msg "and ignored some" its ok
i know you've been busy I'll sms u seldom k?
Or maybe you've fallen for another guy i don't know...
Anyway All the best for what you're up to ya?

I'd better bring out my "Sei Chang" attitude d...
Its not her fault nor her responsible to share or feel what i am facing now..
I cant bring her down too..
Its my feelings not hers...
Its the love that i had for her.. not the love she had for me..
All of this is my problem its time to be strong to face it all by my self again..

But then just now 5pm when i reach home...
I felt like i want to collapse..
Really did happen again selective "black out" mode...
I think this issue(the issue in my work part) have been causing me too much pain
I'd better solve it as soon as possible if not it will affect me...
And the most feared part is that my emotion will just affect her...
Which is something that i wouldn't want it to happen in the future...
Well Cheer up everyone... including me...
I CAN DO IT... SO CAN YOU(referring to the girl I'd fell for)...

Cant stop doing this and kept on felt sorry because scared that it might disturb her too much...
Still thinking of her so much...up until now...

-Man Zai-