Purposely or not purposely?

Its been awhile since i've been blogging,
Lately was too busy and...
Stressin myself, my body and my mind up..
Slept 2~4 hours per day for the past few weeks..
Busy for exams, studies, relationships, and...
Family matters...

Now exam has passed, assignment still keep on comming,

Relationships got beta (between friends) and

Family matters seems to be better then before..

Actually i got so much things to tell to mun,

Alot of things to ask her...

Alot of things i want to share with her in the past few weeks,

but lately we barely talk....

that seems like ...

there is a huge wall between us already..

Misunderstandings and all those unidentified problems issues,

I dont know how...really dont know...

A friend have just passed away again,

She's not the 1st friend of mine who passed away so i dint felt so hard to get use to it..

I think its hard i can say for those who is their 1st friend...

Hard to accept the fact that she did pass away just like that...

We humans appreciate friends, atleast i did..

And mun i ask da question because i want all those who is very down or depress,

To accept the fact that people do die,

Death is not sumthing to be sad to,

Actually death teach us and let us grow more....

But then coz of death we lose all friends, a lot of memories..

And also we will be creating alot of pain and problems for the people who is surrounding us..

But then if we do accept the fact that death is somthing that we are going to see in the future,

We should appreciate all the presents that the GOD have gave to us..

Everything we have now..

Anyway From the past i hoped that Mun can be the closest friend i can have..

Now she's sort of became the worst friend i can have..

I dont know why...

But its a fact now...

Meet a new girl,

she's going to Study outside of Penang soon,

hope to know her more..

She had a smile which gave me the 2nd time of .....

But maybe we just dont have the fate to meet up,

if we do i hope to know her more..

Did i purposely or not purposely dislike Mun?

I dint dislike her, but the way she speaks to me...

Its like she dint even want to talk to me...

Maybe that time starts

the heart of caring for her faded away....

Now All i care is to my friends and family and i hope i can meet up wif Da right girl..

Regina pull a prank on me at Val's day...

Made me look like a dumb ass infront of her and that little sky..

but then its quite nice to get prank once in awhile..

But then lolx my BRO also dint tell me ..*(i am talking about you JAMES)* lolx

Dont mind la i dint mind also haha

Anyway why i trust Regina so much...lolx

coz i cherish the bond that we have??

Haha or i purposely believe in her coz she's a friend to me?

lolx anyhow anything will happen in the future but

the friendship we had will last forever..

Friday night (7pm)...

when i reach home...

collapes like a dead person..

But at 10pm plus Tate ajak me out

we go play game till 4am..

haha... so nice then 7am at saturday go do exercise Jogging at Air Itam Dam,

So damn nice...lolx

afta that?? what did i do ?? reach home nia fall apart

(coz of the tiredness...slept for nearly 20 hour continuesly)

then skip working and

dint make it for my mom's event sorry ma....

Finally its sunday went to church and now stuck at home doing notes

Still abit tired but cant keep on sleeping right?

Still need to find a boost for my life..

But where to find?

Find KM?? lolx wont gua i dint know much about her also

Although she's the som1 I met(from da above statement)

But her smile will last forever in my mind bah..

Nice person but dint even said hi to her..

LOL that day i was too tired when I 1st met her

But anyway heard that she's going to study at dono where d

Perak or Kedah forgot d...

But KM(if u read this) Gam Ba Teh on ur studies..

Hehe

Lolx...

if I really got The chance

really wana go hang out wif her..

But then maybe there is no chance ad gua

Heard shes going on March..whcih is 1 week from now...lolx

Ok lets stop here continue next time when I have da mood to write...

† Man Zai †

February 14...

FInally its today...
well dint know why after havin a relationship i wish today ...
i wish today got people can accompany me...lolx
but then its just another ordinary day right?
but then the lonelyness why come 1? I just dont want to feel it again...
I got to admit...its good to be in a relationship but...
Its hard to mantain it...
I will do my best if i were to be in another relationship in the future...
But then all is just talking...Lazy to go ady la...

Last night i was at Tate's place studying(actually dint study much also)

Then saw the video last time 2~3 years ago..

One of my friend show me when i failed in chasin a girl..

That Motivation talker gave me the urge to move forward..

Get going in my life...continue finding...

I suddenly have the feeling of wana go find another one...

All of the urge is back but..

This time i really am scared...

Scared of losing another person again...

I am not scared of getting hurt...

But scared that will lose a person after i put hyper alot of efforts on her...

All i want is not a normal person's love life..

I want it to be a perfect 1...

Slowly la... I know i need time..

Maybe its not now?

Maybe it is? who knows...

I am no God..

But a passanger that god sent to earth..

How i hope i can have a date on Feb 14...haha

But then have date also must think we (guyz) have to pay ler...lolx

hahahaha...

What a thing...

human keep on complain...

why cant i just stop complaining...

Single life is nice but lonely....

Life in a relationship its not lonely but...

Its issues, if no issues then good la...but i dono..

I want but somehow at somepoint i dont want...lolx

what was i thinking so zialat..

Maybe today i want it but tomorrow dont want it...

But i can say is that if i have it i will appreciate it...

Happy Valentines day to everyone..

Mun...happy vals day ...

Happy Valentines to all my friends and family...

Dai Dai Happy Valentines ...

Howz ur day? got new boy boy?hehe...

† Man Zai †

Past few days of rejections...made me decide ady

These few days.. after a stupid action i made..lolx
I really go and tell her i still love her..haha
she should be hating me more now...
but then i think should be ok la...
Everything is fine now...just i think she dint even want to meet me anymore..
Well i am fine with that..
Wish her can be with her current crush forever then..(i cant do much d)
Tired of fallin in love...
Tired of everything...
After several night of cant sleep now i realise..

I am to late..haha

Remembered that time when she wants to get close to me?

Why i so stupid go luan luan think at that period...

Hahahaha

But then shes right also la...not wrong pun..

just my act makes our relationship say bye bye..

Ok lets get on with my life bah..

Finding ways to know more girls..

hehehe

Later hope i can fall in love again..

(try to go meet up with a girl) but then aihz...

i also dono la..

All i hope now is that

Someone who can suddenly want to spend the rest of her life with me...

(make sure its my cup of tea 1st lor) lolx

Tired of finding but if i dont find where can get...lolx

Life's really short..well going to my friends house soon then go hunt for chicks...lolx...

Chiawzzz(hope really can la)

Well at here i wish all my friends and my Ex(Happy Valentines Day)

Wish you all can be with da person you really love...

make sure u all stick together long long arh

must trust each other and..care for them

always think what they feel if u do something, not what we feel when we do it.

(this is what i dint make it gua) Hehehe...

Kz wish me some luck also...thanks..zz

† Man Zai †

Fever never gone down...

Lolx..
So stupid can think that my ex can really come..
I know today i will be having whole day home until night time go work..
Pass things for my boss then continue rest liao lor..
Beta stay alone also...
If not later the fever spread i more xiao ki...lolx
Hmmm after telling out how i felt really made me feel better...
but only abit..
I know why mun dint want to answer..
Because shes scared that she will be da person who say Break up again...
She always scare that she got hurt or the other half got hurt..
Actually mun arh...
why care so much?
The most important thing is ...
we really loved each other ..
If we did somthing wrong..
We always know that other half will forgive..
Because when once person loves another...
for sure they will forgive them nomatter what..
I can understand now how much it hurt when i said those words to you...
Sorry ya mun...really sorry please forgive me...
But now i want to do is..
To redo my mistakes..
make it not to be a mistake thats all..
And...
Here will be the last time that i am going to mention it on my blog...
Mun arh I Love You...
forever I will until u said u no longer want to be with me anymore..
hehe dint know why i so stubborn...
If u really scare that both of us will get hurt...
Then lets try to do it this way...
Accept that each person also ada salah and find ways to fix the problem..
Can?
I dont mind u go out wif any1...
coz we sure will meet new people in life.
Just tell each other thats the correct way,
Not like last time go out also nid create so much lies..for what?
scare hurt tiok another half?
when they find out lagi hurt right?
lolx aihz...
say no lies..
but end up full of lies..
after break up lagi more lies to make us feel beta...
ok la i go finish up my work..
later night time nid to go to my workplace hope by then i wont feel dizzy...

So that i can drive properly...

Regina Kenny and Timi...

have a safe trip down to KL lor..

Dai Dai...sorry ya?

made u worried...

i'm fine..just fever i can handle it..

Think too much cause tons of problem..

beta dont think just do what our heart desires and

what that is under our control...

I finally found back my courage to tell mun...

found back my courage that I kept in the fridge for so long d..

Frozen d lor..

now going to melt it with my fever..

Now spoken out what i felt le..

Hoping for the best but..

maybe it will be the worst who knows..

I Love her thats for sure...

But i also need to get going in my life right?

Cant just stop there and think..

Continue my life...

Need to find ways to get Tons of money

Thats when I can hold up a family...

Want to Bring my future Wife go travel..

Have fun...together..just 2 of us...

or maybe 3?4?(when got babies le) lolx..

Finish with my Dreams...which i dono weather it will come true or not..

Now Get back to reality...

Work work work...lets continue...

Full of working schedule that can make me busy

Busy liao ma wont luan luan think d lor..

But sickness please go away i need to stay healthy to catch up with the schedule

THe busy busy schedule..

How I hope I can cancel everything in my schedule and go out

go out on Alot of dates with the 1 i love the most...

Hehe...

And mun arh...

How are you owh lately?

I miss u but...did u miss me?

I wana talk with you but did u want to talk with me?

I want to be with you but do you still want to be with me?

I love you still and I know u cant forget the love that we had ...

still do you love me now?

Really want to know more about u mun...

but all this need you to give a chance le..

†Man Zai†

Now only i realised...

Wow... finally sick liao...haha
Fever ady... luckly just now still manage to drive home...
Well... while driving i thinked alot...
To much but all related to my beloved ex...

Now only i realise that...

All the while...

I was just lying to everyone..

lolx...

I dint let go at all...hahaha what a stubborn person right?

But then so many people there supporting me i sure say i let go d right?

If not then why i cant go tackle another girl?

lolx

I had feelings for alot of girls, but all of those feelings..

Is just a feeling of want to care them and dont want them to get hurt..

Be there for them when they are hurt..

But all this...aint love at all..

Its just...dont want to let people around me

All my friends get hurt and left behind alone....

lolx..

This Sor Lou ler...lolx What to do..

Just now nose sudd bleed that time..

Tot wan die d coz dizzy sommore driving halfway...nearly langgar just now..

haha..

Suddenly tot of writing a letter..

one for my family,

One for my ex...

and another 1 for my friends..

Hmmm well Mun arh..

Since now i still alive..

i hope to tell u that....

I love you so much i cant stop..

I did try to force myself not to love u anymore but...

It seems to be harder than i thought..

U really were the best person to be with actually,

U're gentle somewhere inside..

Always very Soft Heart but ur mouth always

always says things that u dint want to sumtimEs..

Well I know why i not dare to tell u that i want to be with you ady...

Because i guess that(just guessed la) that u ady have another person in ur heart...or maybe not..

But i still hope that we can be the 1 that i'd always hoped for?(Being with a person loving her for the rest of mylife?) i want to fulfill my promise...will you let me to fulfill it?

Now i only know why these few days it came back the stupid awkward feelings..

But then mun arh if u got another person in heart now..just let me know owh..

I will forget that i need to love you till the day i die if u want me to...

I will Support and wish u all the best with da person who is in ur heart now...

I was wrong in the past...alot of people dint know what i did wrong but i did..

Sorry ya? please forgive me....

But i guess all of this is too late ady? or still early? who knows...

I finally still dint dare to read your blog ler...lolx i hope by tomorrow i will..

Now i lying on bed like dead pig aneh...

Cannt do much thing d...

Want to do also body ache and head very heavy..

I did hope that u are by my side taking care of me...like i did when u were sick..

but then...i think its too late for that...

If there were hope...i would appreciate it now...

If there werent hopes, i would really get hurt one last time..

And really get on with my life..

I dont want to live a life with full of lies..

I cant forget how u used to smiled... how u said that i love you...

How u kissed me..

Sor Lou hoh?

But then its good that now i understand why the awkward feeling that i gave u that time...

Well....time pass it dint heal anything also...makes it worst like Jay Chou said. in the song Cai Hong... Time is a poison that i am consuming..

lolx..its not an antidote..

If now ur friends and my friends read this ..

For sure they will be mad..

But i want to write this down..i scare i kena denggi..then die jor...no chance to write d...

For those girls that i have been caring..really hope to be ur kor kor..

lolx

For those friends that have been caring for me in this period of time..

Thanks ya? and regina..i really was over fired of hatred with this Miss Farah

Got to admit lolx...coz she sucks but she did not

reserve to get those valguar words...

Sorry ya?regina..

and my family they also did support me..

Thanks ...

i beta go sleep d feel like dying aneh...hope tomorrow can get better..

Nitezz

Dai Dai thanks owh...for everything...

hehe

U're always the best cousin i can have in the world..

hehe really love you so muchy..(as a cousin hope nobody gets confuse)

I sleep 1st la...nitezz tonight sleep early again lolx...

† Man Zai †

Whats wrong with me these few days...

Its been few days this stupid feelings come back.....
but i guess its normal i think...lolx
Hmm
Suddenly this came to my mind pass few days...
What if i ask mun arh...now i have found back myself le...
Can we still be together?
LOL funny huh?
why i suddenly have this though?i also dono..
But i've been dreaming bout her again...
its been 4 days this feelings have been bothering me

Love her really is sumthing i wont forget..

lolx love until now still aneh...

When break that time...alot of friends ask me let go...

including her friend that i seek for advice...Vickie...

Well i did let go...for that timE...

And did really get use to it when shes(mun) not around

but then why suddenly this feeling of want to be wif her come back again?

Whats wrong with me?

Izzit I think to much...?

Just now msn that time want to ask her that question....

(mun arh...now i have found back myself le...
Can we still be together?)

lolx..but eventually i dint..

Maybe i think that she got sum1 ealse in her heart d gua..

Until now since the day we seperated and she ask me go read her blog..

the last time was November 23...

Until now i dint dare to go and read her blog...LOL!!!

What the hell is wrong with me...

Stupid huh this Man Zai..really like sor lou..

lolx... dumb dumb lai..

Think soo much for what..

Assignment must finish also stuck coz of this..

Why ...am i stupid? or stubburn? or both ....

Well got a girl i tot i can get going ady...

She asked me weather she is qualified to be my gf or not.. Rin.. sorry ya? i rejected

Coz i really still dono what the hack am i thinking..

LOL relationship this thing really will lead to horror experience but...

i really scare that i will lose another person again...

Really really am afraid of getting

my heart broken into trillion pieces like it happened b4...

Really am scared...lolx but then...

I can live but still thinking like a donkey...lolx

OK now here i ask la...if mun got read it then if she wan reply reply lor if not nvm..

Joel: Mun arh...now i really found back myself d....sorry ya in the past..

Can we still be together?

Mun: ???

Ok finish asking i beta get going on my assignments..

Got exam soon lolx cant stop here..

coz time wont stop for me to worry, scare or think...

It will stop when memories are created..

it will stop when life ends...

It will stop when its carved into our brain...

but it wont stop when we worry, think too much, or even luan luan think...

K lar wish all those people who broke up with their another halves can be back together

Or

Get a better 1...

I want to get a better one? or want to be back wif her(Mun)? Lolx..

Complicated mind beta dont think then nothing will happen right?

Ya thats right now dont think..

Just think on my assignment and work...

Ok decide d..beta faster go do if not later think again..

Then stuck again lolx

Thanks dai dai for being there to teman me...but u also go oi oi earlier lor...hehe

† Man Zai †

Exhousted day...

1st here i must apologies to those people who msn me and i did not manage to reply them...
Sorry ya?
I went to climb up the Balik Pulau mountain(my aunts house)
Walk whole way up was too tired....
Slept last night around 9pm...lolx
too early also haha so sorry ya?

Yesterday early mornin, went to take my breakfast....

then go fix my car.

Finally my car is fixed....

then afternoon went to my aunts house..

Knowing need to climb up da mountain to reach...

but i treat it as an exercise

Hoping can walk up without stopping ...

but still stopped twice...

lolx too tired i guess

But success liao la...just stopped twice

last time walk half way ady like want to die d..

Now? Can climb up reach there time so happy..

haha but leg used up alot of str lor...hehe

Night time reach home accompany my dad go see doct...

He fall sick...Wish my dad can get well soon...

then reach home time around 9pm..

Was tired like hell...

really like hell lie down on bed nia...

i think not more then 1 min doze off d..

haha

thats why now i felt so sorry dint reply all the msn....

well hope they'd 4giv me...hehe

Ok la...i beta continue sleep then just 3am now...lolx so early wake up pula..

haha...nitezzz

†Man Zai†